Author Archive

Ghoulies and Ghosties and Long-Leggedy Beasties XI: Sea Monsters

Aug 16, 2016 No Comments

There’s a vital distinction between sea monsters and every other kind of monster: Sea monsters scare the living shit out of me, and I’m not ashamed to say it. What’s scarier than looking into the murky water below you and seeing the barnacle-encrusted back of a massive, silhouetted shape cruising within kicking distance of your […]

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Decay Movie Review

Apr 19, 2016 No Comments

At fourteen or so, I asked my Dad what a necrophile was, to which he replied, “people who make love to the dead.” Retelling this story recently, I mocked what I took for a prim semantic detour around calling a corpse-fucker a corpse-fucker.[1] For Ed Gein and Jeffrey Dahmer, love had nothing to do with […]

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The X-Files Season 10: Just Put Me At Ease, Mr. Carter…

Mar 04, 2016 No Comments

In high school, when The X-Files was in its original run, I had a friend who was a huge conspiracy buff. He was a devout Christian conservative; I was a more-or-less moderate atheist fascinated by Aztec religion. Between his conviction that the Book of Revelation predicted the rise of the New World Order, my troubling […]

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Krampus Movie Review

Dec 09, 2015 No Comments

We’re all adults here; can we finally admit that the holidays suck? The stretch of winter darkness from Black Friday to Boxing Day is an unrelenting slog, waist-deep in schmaltz and as warm and tender as day-old vomit.  If I’ve heard one slow, sappy version of “Jingle Bell Rock,” I’ve heard them all.  “Up on […]

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Crimson Peak Movie Review

Oct 20, 2015 No Comments

When the dust settles and the history of late twentieth and early 21st century cinema is written, I predict that our preeminent fantasist will not be George Lucas, Peter Jackson, or the Wachowskis, but Guillermo Del Toro. Fighting words, when a good 95% of you are excitedly reposting the new Star Wars trailer, but I […]

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American Horror Story: Hotel Episode 1 Review

Oct 09, 2015 No Comments

Remember how Star Wars fans felt about Jar Jar Binks? That’s how I feel about American Horror Story. Both represent the same sort of disdain for the source material, but whereas Jar Jar just shat on one franchise, American Horror Story has, for four seasons straight, soiled an entire genre. Created by Ryan Murphy and […]

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The Last Circus Movie Review

Apr 21, 2015 No Comments

Colombian magical realist Gabriel Garcia Marquez died in 2014.  Joseph Bruce and Joseph Utsler founded Insane Clown Posse in 1991.  If the man who wrote One Hundred Years of Solitude collaborated on a film with the men who gave us Juggalos, it would probably look a lot like The Last Circus (originally released in 2010 […]

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Denver’s 13th Floor Valentine X Haunted Attraction Review

Feb 17, 2015 No Comments

A professor the Editor-In-Chief and I recall fondly from our schoolboy days once said that, “carnivals and haunted houses are our culture’s last bastion of legalized fear.”  It was in a screenwriting course, and those of us interested in fear wrote it down with the enthusiasm Plato probably had for Socrates’s really good lines.  Our […]

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Gorgon Book Review

Feb 05, 2015 No Comments

Greig Beck dedicates Gorgon to the men and women of the Australia & New Zealand Armed Forces—doubtless an innocent gesture from an ANZAC-loving Aussie, but one that left this American reader a bit leery.  Ever since September 11th, the United States has lost anything like a balanced perspective on the military.  “Support the troops” is […]

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The Only Thing We Can Do About Lovecraft, Racism, and the World Fantasy Award Statue

Jan 15, 2015 18 Comments

That David Duke-worthy ass-canker was written by my favorite author, the same man who revealed to me the mysteries of dreaming Cthulhu, the machinations of the Fungi from Yuggoth, the unholy prophecies of the Necronomicon, the ravenous and unidentifiable “colour” out of space. He changed my world irrevocably.

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